You Deserve

To live.

I've realized that I haven't really been living.
At least,
Not in the way I should be.
My life has been a bit like skipping cd,
Unable to move past a certain lyric,
A certain melody.

Life keeps moving,
But my mind remains on pause.
I'd press the play button
But I'd rather not think about
All of the lost time.

If they told me beforehand
That this process known as healing
Would take as much as it has,
I probably would rather have
Lived in ignorance.

They say that ignorance is bliss,
But perhaps it was the very thing
That kept me from starting this journey,
This journey of moving on.

But God knows how to shed light
On even the darkest of places.
And show me something that is bigger
And that is what His grace is.

His grace gave me life.
I don't need to be stuck.
I don't need to think that
My surviving six car accidents
Was just sheer luck.

I'm a survivor of six car accidents
and consequently a struggler of PTSD.
But I am still a person.
I'm a broken person
That God chose to give life.

There is still blessing in periods of darkness
And there is comfort in knowing that He calms all of my fears.
Even the times when He seems most distant
Can be the times in which
He is most near.

Life is a beautiful thing.
I must choose to live
For it is a gift.

He is making me new.