On Rest and Healing

Sometimes I feel like the player that has been taken out of the game.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing,
But rather,
It is a humbling kind of thing.

Some of us are in the front line of battle
Fighting all for His glory.
Others of us are in a season of waiting,
A time of preparation.

A friend once came to me frustrated.
She wanted to be out doing things for God.
She wanted Him to send her now.
She was tired of hearing Him say, "Wait."

I smiled as I had been in that position before.
I told her to cherish the season of waiting.
Trust that He is preparing her for something greater.
Knee deep in a spiritual battle,
I also admitted that I sometimes wished
That I too were still in the season of waiting.
...But I realized that He had called me to the frontline
For such a time as this.

After going through a period of waiting and preparation
To an intense spiritual battle for a couple years,
I find myself in a new season.
A season of healing,
A season of rest.

There's a part of me that wants to tell God,
"Come on. Send me back in the game.
I want to fight for You."
But He tells me,"Rest, my child.
Let these wounds heal."

I recently asked one of former professors
How I can begin to heal from being exposed to so much spiritual warfare?
Get close to His light.
Soak up His Word.
Let it speak healing into my life.

So here I rest
Waiting for His love to heal the wounded pieces.
Satan my have tried his best to destroy me,
But here I still stand.
Here I am safe
In the arms of my Saviour.

In battle, the god of this world may be strong,
But our God is stronger.
Yes, He is greater.

And I can't wait to go back into battle
To serve my King.

Something that Inspired Me

"If I could give everyone only one piece of advice it would be the following, 'Greet each day by sliding out of bed and hitting your knees. Tell God how much you love Him and thank Him for everything you can think of. Then give Him your day, energy, passion, desire, and needs. Talk to Him throughout your day. Turn off the radio while you drive and picture Him sitting beside you. Tell Him what is on your mind and ask Him advice. Then wait for the answer. He is faithful to always respond...we often simply assume He will not. Finally, treat each day with the desire to make your Heavenly Father smile. I like to close my eyes and picture my actions bringing a smile to His face.'"

--Dr. Jill Jones, Associate Professor of Graduate Education at Liberty University

If I could become half the woman that she was in Christ, I would be happy. This quote that they used after she passed away last year still impacts me greatly.

And I hope it inspires you as well.

Have Mercy on Me

The thing that I love about being a writer and a musician:

Connection.
We may live separate lives,
But in a way we are all connected.
We, all broken people that have wandered astray,
Each have our own stories.
Stories of joy, hope, love, grace, redemption, and light
Along with stories of pain, struggle, sorrow, loss, and darkness.

A couple weeks ago I found myself in Lynchburg, Virginia.
I planned to be there for school, but God always has a bigger message
A bigger plan for the times that I have visited Liberty University.

It was as though God knew that I would need space and time
Away from my normal environments to heal and be encouraged.
As always, God knew the right people to put in my path
For the two weeks that I was there this June.

It was there that, alone in my hotel room,
I first listened to JJ Heller's song,
"Have Mercy on Me."
I wept
...scratch that.
I sobbed as I listened to it over and over again.

A connection.
Someone that understands.

I had read the interview she had about this song prior to listening to it.
Someone had suggested that I listen to the song
Because it was about how the artist struggles with panic attacks.
Something that I have been struggling with greatly
For the past six months.

An artist that I have never met
Took the very same words and questions that I had wrestled with in my heart
And turned it into a beautiful song.
Suddenly, I realized
That I am not alone.
And that this struggle
...will bring me closer to Him.

This is why I am a writer.
This is why I am a musician.
To show others that they are not alone
And that there is a God that loves them
So much.
A God that is with them through every story of joy
and every story filled with sorrow.

Not Anymore

We dance through ashes
We sing through tears
We paint though our trials
We act though our fears

The times when we don't know
Which way is up
And we don't know if we have
Enough to fill this cup.

We continue walking
When we'd rather
Be on our knees.
We continue smiling
When we'd rather
Find a place to weep

The times we say yes
When our heart screams
We can't.
The times we give in
Just one more time
Just
One
More
Time.

We hold our breath
Until our lungs bleed
Until our heart shatters
This wasn't
How hope was meant to be.

I'm a dreamer
That has forgotten how to dream.
I'm a fighter
That let my fears paralyze me.

Jesus, take this cup from me.

Take these pieces
Scattered on the floor
I can't put them back together.
Not on my own
...Not anymore.

So let me dance through these ashes
And give me a voice through the tears
Paint a colorful story through these trials
And help me be me
And fight through these fears.

Father, take this weight from me
That chains me to the floor.
Set me free from this prison.
Give me grace to fly.
I'm not doing this alone.
...Not anymore.